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 I seem to only use this when I have things to say - the things that keep me up at night, the things that cause my insides to twist up with fear and worry.

My oldest is flying to Minnesota next month to start college and I just imagined what the car ride home from the airport is going to look like and I want to throw up. 

I don't know how to tell this not so little creature that I've spent almost 20 years loving and caring for goodbye. 

How does a mother find the right words to bestow upon her first born as she prepares to take the world by storm? How do I tell her good bye without feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest? How do I sleep at night not knowing with 100% certainty that she's fed, and warm and most importantly, safe. How will I ever sleep again not knowing. 

How do I send her off in to the world when all I want to do is  yank her back, stuff her in a time machine and beg her not to grow up, not to leave me.

Everyone says she'll be fine, that she'll do well, that I raised her well. That I'll  be fine, but how? How will I be okay?