Yesterday was...bad; to say the least. It started the night before; I saw a couple of routines on So You Think You Can Dance that just ripped at my heart...I laid in bed till well after one in the morning crying and remembering.
Yesterday the evil media player was plotting against me playing songs like: Turn Right by my favorite little grape smugglers aka The Jonas Brothers, Come My Way by Skillet, New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday, Breathe Through by Annie Stela, Please Don't Go by Barcelona and This Woman's Work by Maxwell.
And of course they all made me cry...especially the Skillet song...that one came on and I just lost it. I had to go into the bathroom and cry into a beach towel so as not to scare my daughter. It wasn't nearly enough, I wanted to scream and cry and rage at...someone. I keep thinking that it's not fair, that there wasn't nearly enough time...but then I tell myself that he was my friend for thirteen years...that's a lot more time than some, maybe most, people got with him.
I told my friend Jenn yesterday that I don't know how to deal with this. Yes, I've had people die before, my grandfather passed when I was little, being little made it easier...children are more easily distracted than adults. My aunt and uncle passed on Thanksgiving two years ago, but I wasn't especially close to them so it was easy to accept. Jason is the first person to pass that I care about. I would be feeling the same thing if any of my other friends passed. I love them all dearly because in some shape, form or fashion they helped me to become who I am right now.
Jenn said to write about it. She said it might be corny but to write about it. I said it wasn't corny...we're writers, it's what we do; how we cope. So that is what I am going to do. When I feel sad or low I am going to write and celebrate this wonderful person who came into my life, and like so many others, left footprints on my heart.