Monday, August 2, 2010

One Year Later

It's been over 365 days since I last talked to you, and even as I sit here right now writing that, I still can't believe it. I mean, I never thought that you'd be gone so suddenly. I mean, I know life was hard and times were tough, but I always thought that you were indestructable, I mean, you were Jolly Green Jason for cripes sake, the tallest guy (at least that I remember) in our high school and the same guy who donned a plastic (or at least it looked plastic) batman costume for halloween, the guy who wanted to build a Trans Am after the Kit car from Knight Rider, you were the guy I spent the better part of my teenage years chasing, the guy that everyone loved because we were powerless not to.

And now you're gone.

It's just so...I don't know, final. I mean, of course you live on in our memories, but sometimes Jay, the memories aren't enough. Sometimes I want you to call me and complain about the things you used to complain about.

I've tried to make this last year mean something, tried to accomplish things because I want to, I don't know, honor your memory by trying to accomplish all the things we used to talk about, because you said you wanted me to go out there and do them.

I don't think you would want us to be sad for you, I think if we were, you'd probably kick us all in the ass and ask us what we've accomplished this year, because all you ever wanted was to see those around you (as well as yourself) succeed.

I don't know...when I sat down to write this, I had all these self-proclaimed great ideas and things I wanted to tell you, mostly things that I've accomplished this year while trying not to miss you too much. But then I felt like a pompous ass for wanting to brag.

the point here is, that, no matter how many days or weeks or years you've been gone, we will never stop missing you. You were such a big part of so many people's lives and you touched so many lives during your short time on earth that it's impossible not to miss you.

So there it year. 365 days since the world was right. a million more to go.

Someday we will meet again because goodbye doesn't mean we won't ever see you again, it just means until we see you again. And until then, I will miss you.

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