Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Shitty Shoes

I was scrolling through posts on facebook the other day (well more like two weeks ago..maybe..I dunno..I'm sleep deprived, Starz this amazing show called Flesh and Bones that I may or may not have stayed up watching all night) and I came across this one posted to my daughter's biological fathers page by his new girlfriend.

I won't copy and paste it because 1. It's her intellectual property and 2. I don't feel like getting even more irked than I already am.

It's one of those little posts that these girls who think they're cute post, about thanks for letting go of a good man because now I have him so hahaha here's my written middle finger waving in your face.

Because I'm a bigger person, I stuck my tongue out at her post (literally, not figuratively) and kept going. But the more and more I thought about it, the more and more it pissed me off.

He might be a good person now; I'll allow that, but 15 years ago? No. He was a lying, cheating dirt bag who brought women to my apartment while I was on deployment (I am a United States Navy Veteran) while our daughter was living with my parents.

When my oldest was two-ish, we split up for good. He took off to...North Carolina I think. My enlistment ended and I decided to get out of the Navy rather than re-enlist.

I moved in with my parents while I readjusted to civilian life. All the while, he was in North Carolina. Didn't bother to come see our daughter. The last time he saw her was Easter of 2005.

Shortly before Easter, he was supposed to pick up my daughter and I and move us all to Texas, to be a family. I waited for hours that day for him to show up. When I finally called him, he said he wasn't coming. That he was going to Texas alone. Naturally I was broken hearted. For some stupid reason, I loved his dumb ass. A few weeks later, I decided it was high time for a fresh start; up and moved from Virginia to Florida in the summer of 2005.

Summer passed, lingered into what should have been fall. He and I got in contact again, he had his then girlfriend write a letter on behalf of him, in which he accused me of all kinds of maleficence. Then had the nuts to ask me for yet another chance.

At the time I had just started seeing my husband. So I told him so. Then he accused me of keeping him from his daughter, of keeping us from being a family.

In my head, I saw it as me keeping my heart safe from him. After that I didn't hear from him again. He stopped writing my daughter, stopped calling.

In December of 2005 my husband and I got engaged then in April of 2006 we married. (Yeah, yeah I know..y'all only dated for a few months then got married?!?! Are you crazy?!?! Sure...sure we are..and we are still married, ten years later...sometimes when you know, you know...anyways)\

So...a year passes without word, then fades into another and another and before I know it, it's 2011 and he has not bothered to try to find me (all of my mail was forwarded to our new address after I married, my phone number didn't change until a year or so after I married. My parents have lived in the same house they lived in when we were a couple) or see his daughter, or hell even support her in anyway.

And even now...it's 2016. He hasn't seen her since she was two and a half. Oh he asked to see her at Christmas (of 2015). I forgot to ask him about it (I can work six days a week, sometimes ten to twelve hour days at Christmas, so see I forgot for a good reason) but he never brought it up either. So guess he wasn't really that interested in seeing her.

So sure, sweetheart. If you want to thank me for letting go of a lying, cheating, child making but not supporting piece of human, go right the hell ahead. I had the boy, you have the "man."

But truthfully, I got the real man. I got the man who stepped up, stepped in, and fathered a child that wasn't his. He's loved her, supported her, taught her how to ride her bike and sent her off to her first day of school and will be there when she graduates high school and college. He's been the one to go to her band recitals, and will be there when she earns her spot on the football team. The real man, the man she calls Dad will get to live it, while he, he only gets to read about it.

So, in a sense, I guess you're welcome. I got the better end of the deal out of him anyway. I have my amazingly talented and beautiful daughter who dreams out loud and colors outside of the lines. I have memories, he only has regrets.

I hope when he breaks your heart his next girlfriend is kinder than you were.

That was cathartic.

Disclaimer: (only because my husband has a tendency to read this occasionally)

It pissed me off, sure, but it wasn't worth bringing up because you would have told me exactly what I already figured out on my own and it was better for me to get to these conclusions on my own. Personally, good riddance to old rubbish. I know you're the better man, the only man for me. Love you babe!

1 comment:

  1. My nephew and my husband's nieces all have deadbeat fathers who walked away and never looked back. Thank goodness there are good men willing to step in where their real fathers should have been. Your husband gets a gold star =)



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