Monday, December 10, 2012


Last night while trolling through popular pinterest pins, I came across this quote and I just kind of sat there going, yeah, that's so true.

I repin and go about my merry way.

Or so I thought.

Took some medication to relieve the aches and pains of working some very long, very grueling days in the heart of THE busiest time of year in my line of work, laid down on the couch to read a few chapters of Beautiful Creatures, and relax.

I dozed off and the hubs wakes me up and ushers me to bed, where I promptly fall in and slip into an exhaustion enduced coma for 8-10 hours.

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I become aware of the dream going on around me. I'm at work, and as the case 99% of the time, the studio is clean, white and clutter free, almost clinical in nature. I'm standing in the middle of the camera room when a woman walks in and asks if I'm Nicole. I tell her I am and she replies, "There's someone here to see you." And in walks in a very close friend of mine who passed away a few years ago. I stand there, too stunned to do anything. He walks up to me and hugs me, saying, "I've missed you so much." He smells like grape slurpees and old memories. I stand there staring at him, still in shock.

Three years.

Three years since I've talked to him, heard his voice, even longer since I've seen him. But there he was, healthy and happy with a sparkle to his eye that hasn't been there for a long time. Arm still around my shoulders squeezing me close even as I stand there limp and quite honestly numb.

Finally, after a beat or twenty passes I utter one word: How?

He begins to tell me how he faked his death because he needed a fresh start; he needed a chance to start his life over and to actually make something of himself. He couldn't stand the feeling that he disappointed everyone in his life and how sorry he was for hurting us.

Then I woke up, tears streaming down my face as I laid in my bed, my heart thumping in my chest, filled with this incredible ache - a sadness that will probably never go away.

This dream has haunted me all day. It made me doubt what I know is true, it made me wish that what I knew was a lie and that somewhere out there, he still lives.

Like I said...I wish....

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