Friday, August 2, 2013

Four Years in Two Days....

I wish I could plug my brain into the computer kind of like you do with an SD card so that way I could transfer my thoughts and emotions in a way that translates what I'm feeling.

There have been so many months, especially in the beginning, when I wondered what really happened. Did your body just give out, did you commit suicide, did you accidentally over dose?

I figured it was suicide. The last thing you said to me was that you just wanted to say fuck it all. Then bam! Gone.

I got the answers I so desperately sought, found out that you were clean when you passed, that it was massive heart failure.

Which breaks my heart. Your heart was so big, you were always quick to laugh, quick to make a joke, or smile...I know that a lot of the time those jabs and jokes were hiding a pain so deep that no one could touch it. Especially toward the end.

I trolled pinterest to see if I could find something that would comfort my aching soul because "I miss you" just sounds so trivial.

You are gone from my life...I will never hear you laugh, or complain, or talk or....anything. You are gone and there's just blackness where you used to be. It's like a part of my soul has been lost. It's unfulfillable....this blackness...I just...I don't even know.

I wanted to say something poignant and meaningful and deep..I just don't have the words, you know....I have no idea how to put words to what I'm feeling.

I don't have the words, but there are about fifty songs out there that could say what I feel....

Although I know I won’t forget him all together
I just want to feel better
I just want to feel good
Feel alright
Feel anything than what I feel tonight
I just want to move on with my life
And put the pieces back together
I just want to feel better
It's been a long day
And I just want to hide away
It's been a long week
And all the lines come down heavy on me
It's been a long week
I'm finally feeling like it's okay to break
into a thousand pieces
no one can replace
only I can find my way
It's been long day
And I just want to hideaway
It's been a long year
Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none

Stay with me...
Let's just breathe...

Practiced all my sins, never gonna let me win, uh-huh
Under everything, just another human being, uh-huh
I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed

Stay with me
You're all I see...

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me

As I come clean...
I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh
Everything you gave
And nothing you would save, oh no

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
And I come clean, ah...

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me til I die
Meet you on the other side...

You are gone...eventually I'll learn to accept it and not feel so bad about not missing you...but until that day comes, I carry your memory in my heart, I carry it with me always. You are never far, because I carry you with me. Your memory is ingrained upon mine. As long as I live, you shall to. 

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts with Thumbnails