I will be fine so long as you take me....

Sometimes there are things that live in our minds that there are no words for...little dark monsters that live in the shadowy recesses of our minds...bringing them to light would surely kill them but....we've lived with them for so long that we aren't sure who we would be without them.

There are so many things hanging on my heart and mind right now....and I've got no one to tell..no one to listen, to...I don't know...just..I guess..be there.

I hate when I get like this...one teeny tiny little thing, a tiny hiccup in my routine throws me into a tailspin...the wave rises, the darkness descends and I'm left sitting here evaluating my worth. Evaluating my life and all the negative things about it..no matter how I try, there are no positives...everything sucks...

I hate feeling this way...I just don't know how to stop it.

Because God I wish I could...it eats me alive, the darkness...the monsters in my head...I want to lash out, I want to hurl negativity at any one and everyone I can...just so they hurt like I do...and I can't do that because it's not right, it's not their fault that my brain's wiring is a wee bit faulty right now..not their fault that I'm in this headspace...

Right now my target is this group of writers I belong too...a couple are signed with indie publishing companies, no biggie, whatevs..good for you....but they act like they are holier than thou...and then the rest of the members of the group are always boo hooing about writing. I can't write, or I only wrote 500 words today...waaah! Or how they need names for fairy tribes or worlds or monsters...I'm all in the corner like wtf are you nerds talking about? Are you all seriously, like, writing the same effn book or something? Are there no "normal" writers here?

looks around...

nope, apparently I'm the only one who doesn't write stupid ass fantasy shit. I don't mean superheros or stuff like that...I mean, like dungeons and dragons type shit. I'm sorry but that crap is lame as hell.

Shit for a minute there I remembered why I originally left the group. Now I'm sitting here wondering why I rejoined. I get nothing from it...I can't post excerpts and ask for advice because none of them read or write normal books.

Which is probably just me being mean...or honest...sometimes I confuse the two...who gives a shit.

They all claim we're this twisted little band of misfits but the truth is it's mean girls nerd style...the select "popular" few and then the underlings...

aw fuck this...it ain't helping...gimme a few days...I'm either pms-ing Veruca Salt style...or I need another vacation...cause the three days I spent on the beach last week was not enough...