For the longest time I felt like I was working at a place where I didn't matter, that what I did was barely a step up from working at Burger King (no offense if you work at BK...keep on making those delicious burgers cause if there is one thing the world needs, it's burgers). The hours are sometimes crap, the pay is sometimes crap and people crap on you well, because they can.

I've been cussed out, cried on, puked on, snotted on, hugged on, laughed on, and a whole bunch of other 'ons' than I can think of right now.

A few years ago, the woman who used to babysit me was in town and wanted to meet for lunch and catch up (yes, I still talk to the woman who babysat me some 25 odd years ago) and I chickened out and didn't go.

Why?

Her daughter (who is the same age as me) is a doctor. A freaking doctor! And me? I am a photographer. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. Here, her daughter went out and actually did something with her life and while I went to college, I didn't have a decent job, or a prestigious job. I was just a photographer.

I regret not meeting her for lunch. I knew she wouldn't care what I was doing with my life as long as I was doing something decent (you know, not selling drugs or using drugs or being a cheap street corner hooker or whatever).

It is what it is, I can't go back and change it.

Today though, on the way home from work I had a realization. What I do is important. I have an important job. No, I'm not saving lives like the doctor, I'm memorializing lives.

Back in November I had the privilege of taking some family pictures for a very nice family. Normally, I take them and then I;m done. They rarely cross my mind unless they're repeat clients. It sounds harsh, but some weeks we literally photograph over a hundred different families. It's hard to remember them all.

This one, I will always remember. A few days after photographing them, a man calls the studio and says that they need a photo because the father in the family passed. When I heard the name I was shocked. I said to a co-worker, he was so full of life when I photographed them, how did he just suddenly die?

In the family it was a man, his wife and daughter and his parents. I thought it was his father who passed. But when his father walked into the studio I felt sick. It was his son. He was struck by a truck who'd run a stop sign and hit him while he drove his motorcycle.

I teared up and hugged his father, telling him how sorry i was for his loss, then promptly went into the camera room and cried my eyes out.

I felt the feels. I mean, I took his pictures and a few days later he passed. Of course I felt the feels. But you know how it is, life goes on and something else comes up and you have to move on.

Then today, my best friend tags me in what I think is some news story and the only thing I can think of is, why did she tag me in this? I mean, it's sad, but I don't think I know these folks.

Of course, me being me, it drives me nuts trying to figure out why she tagged me, so I type the persons name into the search engine on facebook and try to find out who it is.

When I finally see, I'm stunned. It;s this kid, this seventeen year old kid that I've photographed on a few different occasions. I did his graduations pictures and his family pictures with his mom and older brother. I did his Christmas pictures again with his brother.

He passed away after sustaining injuries in a car/atv accident.

I am in shock again and my heart breaks for him and his family. He was just a kid. He hadn't had the chance to graduate high school, to fall in love, get married, have kids, go to college, spend more time with mom...nothing.

I realized tonight that my job is important. I may not be saving lives, but I;m saving memories, faces, times that people will ultimately forget. I save it for them, to hang on their wall or preserve in a photo album, to look back on when their days are darkest. To remember, after a moment is long gone.

I am a reminder.

My job is important. And no matter how many times I'm cussed out, chewed up and spit out, laughed at or made fun of, I will do my best to remember this. I am the one who has to do this, I chose this job, I chose to carry the knowledge that sometimes I will be the one who takes that last picture, the one that is blown up and displayed at a funeral. I will use this to become better because I never know what might happen after you leave my studio.

Paint With Me Thursday: Dandelions

Well hello again...seems like it's Thursday once more...

This week the theme over at Simply Feather was dandelions (which totally made me utterly happy...dunno why...just did..lol). I managed to tear myself away from Lost (my new favorite show..my hubs and I are on season three) to do some drawing this week. 

They were supposed to be white...but that wouldn't have worked out so well..so just roll with it..lol...(lol and as you can see the hubs fixed the scanner *fist pummel* *yessss!*)

So that was my drawing for the week...Steve and Bree were like what's the theme and I said (the way I say it) dandy-lions and Bree thought I meant a  spiffy lion..so this was for her and I am utterly embarrassed by my shoddy drawing skills..so no laughing okay...well you can laugh a little..

A "Dandy" lion..

he's supposed to be wearing a tux or a suit..lol I drew it and even I don't know what the heck he's wearing. 

To see more dandy art, please visit Simply Feather

Paint With Me Thursday: Black & White

Howdy doodle, doodlers...it's Thursday again. 

Woo Hoo! (I know, right?)

Over at Simply Feather, the theme this week was black and white. If I'm being honest (which I am) I struggled with this one for a bit. I was like, hmm black and white, like only a black and white picture..or what? 

So I did what I normally do when I'm stumped. 

I Google. 

Yes..I said it. I Google...it almost sounds like a dirty word...like something you'd do alone, locked in the bathroom with the lights out, crouched over your laptop perilously pecking at the keys - g...o...o...g...l...e... all the while your husband is beating at the bathroom door yelling, "Hun, are you alright? What are you doing in there?"

Then you glance at the door furtively and whisper, "Go away, I'm....Googling."

*Pause to reflect on my goofiness and the fact that I just made Googling sound like a dirty word*

Okay, moving on and back to the art. Google didn't really help...so I kind of just winged it..normally winging it works...I start with something mundane, just the pen or pencil moving over the paper and then the ideas really start flowing. This is what I started with:

Just because it was raining and I was inspired...but it wasn't really working for me so I did this:

I had no idea what to do with it...so I turned to my trusty friend Photoshop and whipped this out:

What I was aiming for in the first picture...different words that are associated with the colors black and white...but it still wasn't right. I spent the earlier part of the day painting random flowers and I ruined a sheet of the paper I use..I didn't want to toss it so I reused it and did this:

 "In a world of black and white you were a brilliant shade of red."

It's seven shades of ugly, yes I know...but it felt...right. So again I turned to Photoshop and this is what I came up with:

"My life was cut and dry, black and white. I knew who I was, where I was going. Then I met you. In a world of black and white you were a brilliant shade of red."

This is a line from a story I'm writing...it was inspired by a black and white photo of the woods and smack in the center of the photo is a brilliantly red balloon. I saw it and that line, "In a world of black and white, you were a brilliant shade of red," just popped into my head. 

To credit the person who drew the people..I'm sorry dude, someone had this image on photobucket and I used it. It's not mine, I am in no way that creative so kudos to whomever drew it. You are a rock star. 

So there you have...I have thrown my scary art at you, I have thrown my lamespice sense of humor at you and probably bored you to tears with my nonsensical rambling. :) My mission here is complete. (lol)

To see more art please visit Simply Feather and check out some of the wonderful art these women (and men?) come up with each week. I am truly in awe of the talent...I think I'm going to hunt down the talent fairy and steal a sprinkle or ten of talent dust..lol.

Til next week!

*Quick note: the font used in the Black and White with the brackets is called Pea Jamie*B* and you can find it here

The font in the "World of black and white" piece is called Joe Hand 2 and you can find it here

I am still painting flowers for you....

I was perusing the Internet yesterday...seven shades of bored out of my skull, trying to find inspiration for a mother's day card for my Mom because money is a bit tight right now (that's the craptastic thing about living in Florida in the summer..the electric bill is almost as much as my rent..) and I thought that maybe painting something to send to her would be better than not sending anything at all. My mom and I were at odds for such a long time but now we seem to be really coming into our own. Our relationship has changed so much and I feel like my mom is more like  my equal rather than my mother. I mean, she will always be my mom, she'll always be the one I call when I need advice or a quick reality check, but I'm not so afraid of her anymore. I feel like I can talk to her like I could talk to one of my friends. I don't know if that makes sense...the bottom line is we get a long much better now than we did say five years ago.

So, anyway. Sitting here yesterday I brought out my watercolor pencils and sharpened them up and went to town, just me, my music and my ideas. As I've stated before, I'm very creative, just not very artistic. I can write (fiction), knit, crochet, sew and craft my butt off..but when it comes to drawing or painting..I'm like a little kid..very unrefined in my attempts.

Regardless, its still fun to do because I am still expressing myself. So, I painted flowers yesterday...lots and lots of flowers..but only because I kept messing them up..lol...

Here are some of my flowers:

 First attempt...downright scary

Second attempt:

I left my common sense in the jar above the fridge when I tried to paint the white part of the paper the same blue as the flowers...

Third times a charm

didn't exactly turn out as nice as I'd have liked, but it's what i was going for..so I can't complain

So that's it.

Don't forget Mother's Day is this weekend...call your mom and tell her you love her..

(and the "I am still painting flowers for you is from the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack titled Almost Alice and the song is called Painting Flowers by All Time Low...you can listen below if that tickles your fancy :)

Paint With Me Thursday: Words to Live By

This was a toughie...I don't really have a particular word to live by...so many words encompass who I am, what I do and how I do it...it was tough to pick just one. So I went broader. I live by so many words because I believe that I can do anything I set my mind to.

My words?

and because I have chicken scratch and shoddy camera skills..here is what it says.

I am...

Strength...I can stand proud in the face of all that scares me
Writer...what's your story?
Daughter
Love
Mother...a precious little one calls me mom
Music
A little bit of rock-n-roll and a whole lot of blues and a dash of jazz
Hope..for myself, my family and the future
Friend
Creative
Wife...of four years
Faith...my God is an awesome God
Perseverance..put one foot in front of the other
Sister

To see more ridiculously awesome art..please click here

Paint With Me Thursday: Mood

this weeks theme was to explore a "mood." I had a really hard time with this, because one day I was happy, another i was ecstatic, scared, anxious...the list goes on and on. So I did a few different things...I did a computer doodle the other day to express my love to my husband, our four year anniversary is today and I looove this song: I And Love And You by The Avett Brothers. That's where this one came into play:

the whole thing was made using different photoshop elements 7 brushes. It's pretty simple, but I'm much more adept at making stuff with photoshop than I am with a pencil and paper..lol...

 I did this the other day because I was irritated...I was aiming for a rose, but my husband and daughter said it looks like a strawberry..so..to each their own..lol

and last...my "real" piece for the week...I think it covers the whole high/low thing I've had going on this week.

I know its hard to read...I really need to fix my scanner (the glass part was broken when we moved..I stepped on it but shh don't tell my husband) but the head stone says "Here lies the ghosts of all the things you will NEVER be able to have now...rip" and the girl (if you can tell she's a girl) her thought bubbles say "it will be alright....they're called dreams for a reason"

and there ya have it. To see more art please visit Simply Feather

til next week!

Paint With Me Thursday: Umbrellas

 

I like to draw umbrellas...they're easy..lol, so when I saw the focus this week was umbrellas I did a stupid little happy dance and sharpened my favorite drawing pencil....

Then I drew a blank (lol that's been happening a lot lately i.e. chapter 38 but really that's neither here nor there).

So I did two drawings, one was inspired by my daughter who kept singing some song about April showers and May flowers...

It says april showers bring may flowers (and mental note to self: FIX SCANNER!).

The next one I did was after I had pretty much the worst day/experience ever. I don't know what the point of it is, but it it follows the focus and made me feel better...soo...to each her (or his) own interpretation.

"It's something you can't change" is a line from a song, but for the life of me I can not find it or remember who it's by...so random artist whose lyrics I liked enough to write on my drawing, if you stumble upon this, sorry...

"You can stand under my umbrella" is by Rhianna (if you're early 20-something and don't know that you've been living under a rock...EVERYBODY re-did that song..and yes, I truly mean everybody, see: Manic Street Preachers, JLS, Bare Egil, Terra Naomi, Jamie Cullum, Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park, The Mint Chicks, McFly, Lillasyster, Plain White T's, Carrie Underwood, Keith Urban, OneRepublic, Sara Bareilles, Cláudia Leitte, Mandy Moore, My Chemical Romance, Tegan and Sara, Amanda Palmer, Syesha Mercado, Natalie Gauci, illScarlett, All Time Low, Taylor Swift, Bentley Jones, Boyce Avenue, and The Baseballs, Marié Digby, Biffy Clyro, Vanilla Sky, All Time Low....lol so see...everybody...)

To see more art check out Simply Feather

'Til next week blog-o-sphere!

And to answer the question about who are Sam & Dean and Stefan & Damon click here ;)

and a much later afternote...i found the song! It's called Something by Cary Brothers. Might have taken all day but I finally remembered :)

Paint With Me Thursday: Nature

Okay, at the risk of sounding like a total nerd, I am totally in love with Simply Feather's Paint With Me Thursdays. It's like the icing on super delicious cupcake because let's face it, Thursday is the best day of the week. 

for realsies. 

I know many of you disagree and say Nikki are you nuts? Friday is totally the best day of the week. I disagree. Thursday are the best. Well Thursday nights are the best. 

Stefan and Damon Salvatore

then

Sam and Dean Winchester

then 

McDreamy and McSteamy

then 

the drama that is Private Practice

then
the adorable Aussie turned "psychic" turned CBI profiler, Simon Baker aka Patrick Jane aka The Mentalist.

Yeah, my poor DVR DESPISES Thursday nights because that's the one night of the week it works like a dog..lol. 

Anywhooo..back to Paint With Me Thursdays...

I like to write, in fact I write a lot. Its an escape...most of the time. Sometimes its a pain because I'm fresh out of ideas. A while back I bought an art book that I dubbed my idea book. When I get stuck with a chapter or plot or character I doodle and draw random things, sometimes they are associated with my story, others, they are just for fun. 

But lately I have been doing more doodling, and it helps with writing. Or at least I think so. But that's neither here nor there.

So now I'll quit yapping and get to the point of this here post. :)

This week's topic or subject, whatever you will call it is cool with me, was nature. I have a vase of sunflowers on my mantle that were the inspiration for my "drawing" this week.

So that's how nature inspired me this week. Maybe I'll sit outside and let nature inspire me some more!

To see more art click me! click me!